When the days are full of blessings and everything is going my way, I can instantly claim control of the day. When the ground trembles around me, I realize that I have the control of a weak bladdered 6 year old on a car trip to Disney. There are thousands of instances that have sent me high tailing back to my creator.
Faith, Hope, Love, Live , Laugh, Love. All are nice ~Wall~ words and plagues. But, when I am having a bad day you will not find me standing in front of words on a wall, staring at a refrigerator wall magnet or searching my cabinets for an inspirational coffee cup. You will find me searching comfort from examples of hope. And this is the one I go to. I will forever remember this day almost three years ago.
It had been such a busy week. We were living out of and around boxes, tying up loose ends before we moved back to SC. I was finishing a few chores on the road. I took a detour slightly out of the way because of traffic. I notice a grocery store in a corner shopping center that I don't frequent but decided to go in to get a drink and a couple of Avocado's. I grabbed a big buggy and start carousing the store. I realize on aisle five that I already have the Avocado's and drink. What am I still browsing for? It's not like I am in my faves, Whole Foods or Publix, this is a small general chain.
I slowly sauntered my way up front, weirdly out of it. Just as I was about to turn into the check out aisle, a young girl about 11 or 12 entered in front of me. I pushed in behind her. I look down at the buggy and realize how ridiculous I look with a big buggy pushing two avocados and a diet coke. Then, to my own amazement I get stupider. I begin to battle the small aisle to get in front of the buggy. "What the hell am I doing? Ok, I made it." Then I turn around to see that I left the drink and veggies in the little front compartment. I just need to go home and go to bed, I am a danger to myself today.
Ok, now I have nothing to do but look ahead at the little girl. She places a can of Spagettio's on the counter. The clerk rings it up, the total is $1.33. The little girl timidly hands the clerk her store discount card. Now the total is $1.02. She slides a card through the credit card machine. The clerk leaned over and very quietly told her that the card is declined. The girl lowered her head in embarrassment and almost whispered "Can you put it back?" and turns to leave. I caught her arm and handed her the can of Spagettio's and motioned for the clerk to ring it up with my items. The little girl mouthed a soft "Thank you" and was gone.
The nice clerk wanted to chat, but I was ready to hurry and get out of the store to find the little girl. I scanned the parking lot, I searched paths to the left and right of the store. I can't find her. I head for my car frustrated because I could have done more. Why didn't I just hand her some money? Why can't I find her? I was driving down the road still beating myself up over not helping her more. Immediately I felt the answer. (I) wasn't supposed to help her more. My creator showed me that (HE) takes care of his own. In the process I get a very humbling lesson. I immediately think of the story of Gideon and his army of thousands. He could have crushed the opposing army, but then the victory would have been boasted by man. He reduces Gideon's army to 300 and they annihilate the opponents. It was CLEARLY known by all that GOD was the champion of the battle.
My visions of this little girl being helpless and hungry after she left were totally unwarranted. She would have another meal and she was in far more capable hands than mine. I am talking about a God that moved the world just a tad today, stopped time, created a traffic pattern and detour that led me to a grocery store that I didn't frequent, made stop lights a little longer or shorter, moved that inner consciousness of mine to get that big buggy and browse through the store like it was a brand new gift shop and finally made me fight that aisle to get to the front of that buggy so that I could actually see and hear what was going on. All to get a can of Spagettio's to a little girl. Confirmation that no matter what I think I am doing in this world ~I~ am not in control of even the smallest of matters. It makes me sad to think that sometimes I am so busy with life that I have let so many of these wonderful moments pass by unnoticed.
Just for a nano second I felt like I peered through a peep hole into the otherworld. It is both powerful and humbling to realize in these times of angst that everything isn't just by coincidence.
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