Digging Up Bones~ Renae Brabham

pas·sion/'paSHən/ Noun: Strong and barely controllable emotion. A state or outburst of such emotion. A while back I wrote ~Dead Man's Cell Phone~ http://charlestongrit.com/so-i-called-dead-mans-cell-phone-last-night I find satirical humor in the fact that a death that affected me so little could possibly spring board me to the rungs on the ladder I had deemed impossible. His was a lonely life, lit by the glow of a computer screen and keyboard. Smoke rings circled in dark rooms absent of life except for the lonely beat of one heart. Sometimes loneliness can be the loudest sound in a room. Regrets, children, wives, jobs successes and failures all drowned out by the pounding of the typewriter keys. Boxes filled with ponderings, writings and research tapped out on onion paper with an old manual Smith Corona typewriter going back 50 years, now gather green hues of mold in a musty shed corner. It's what he did, without vision albeit, but it was his passion. He definitely had what is described in passion's definition as "A strong and barely controllable emotion." What he didn't have was the second part of that definition "A state or outburst of such emotion." He didn't type out loud. He expressed himself in selfish silence. I searched my soul to see if the mirror turned inward. Oh yes, there he is, right here in my life, Hell, in my room! There's that briefcase in the corner with a novella written 15 years ago, edges yellowing and saved on a floppy disc. Reams of paper sit waiting to be filled with ink and passion and sent out to publishers. I hid behind screens with a two year old profile pic and typed out to thin air. I fed only the glowing monitor screen and blinking cursor. I didn't share. The boxes of yellowed paper in that shed, his silence and lack of ripples in the oceans' of life opened my cage doors. I pour my heart out on the screen on paper and I let it go. I'm learning that passion is what you shout out loud with your life. It doesn't necessarily mean people are going to like your spillage, but it is how people will identify with you. Everyone has a different way of expressing themselves. Some through brushes, design, anatomy, dance, architecture, music. Others are awesome verbal communicators. And others yet express their passion through their children, families, community services or their sports. Whichever way we choose, it is imperative to the soul to get it out.