Loving,Touching,Squeezing each other... I could belt out Journey's 80's hit as well as Steve Perry's clone.That's where the touchy feely ended. Frigidness founded in earlier years, add society's embedded etiquette of politically correct touching and wah lah! Hugging me was akin to a rigid fish stick standoff. Try to hold my hand, I would wriggle out of it lickity split. Touching or hugging outside of my immediate trusted family was about as anticipated as the dreaded command to ~Kiss and make up with my brother or sister~.
That was then, I do believe I could hug a Michelin tire now. A lot of the credit goes to a massage therapist/friend that I met at our NC herb shop fifteen years ago. We offered therapeutic procedures in addition to alternative medicine. Linda would come in twice a week to perform massages and reflexology. She always hugged me when we greeted and would touch my arm in conversation. I found both to be uncomfortable. There was no threat involved, but I perceived the touch as such or at least of questionable intent.
For the next six months I learned a lot about the art of reflexology, touch, and massage from Linda. I witnessed personally what touch did for her clients. One customer that intrigued me was a quiet demure lady that came in bi-monthly for a massage. After a few sessions I noticed that she would wipe silent tears away as she browsed the store. I asked Linda one night "Why does she cry after she comes out of her session?" Linda replied "A touchless marriage, she has to pay for what should be the free gift of touch." I watched this lady cocoon over the next several months. She was still saddened sometimes after her massage, but she became genuinely and expressively involved with familiar contacts in our classes and visits.
Linda gave sports therapy massages to some hockey players in the shop as well. I was taken aback on several occasions with the post-massage demeanor of these rough and tumble guys. Linda also visited the nursing homes in the area. She told me that the quality of their lives was enhanced by touch as well. The absence of spousal affection, children or grandchildren s touch removes them quickly from this world.
It didn't happen overnight. Linda probably doesn't even know that she helped me. I mentally evaluate how far I have come. I can grab a friends hand and walk, hug and mean it, receive hugs, believe them and determine intentions of a hug. The simple act of hugging, coupled with the proximity of closeness eradicated the stigma of bad touch, replacing it with endearing endorphins.
The senses associated with close life enhancing touch come back to my mind. The heads and necks of my children and grandchildren in the crook of my arm, the finger placed under the nostrils of my sleeping children to feel their breath, the clutch of the arm of a friend signifying a funny event or a fright, the soft skin of my grandmother's forearm, an aunt that was really glad to see me. I am reminded of my oldest granddaughter. One of her first signature character traits of personal expression to me was to hold my hand and try to wedge her tiny fingers into the space underneath my fingernails at the early age of 6 months. I believe she wanted to be closer to me than touch could actually bring her. She still does this sometimes and she is 15.
I have learned the immense pleasure of a heart felt hug and to give one that says the same. Sometimes I am not giving you a hug, I am taking one away.I could learn something as well from the animal kingdom. I am not saying we should preen each other like monkeys, but they are so familiar with their tribe or herd that they can sense compassion, passion,threats and fear through touch and smell. There are about 100 touch receptors in each human fingertip. For all intents and purposes touch is the connector and receptor that links us to well being.
“Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.” — Albert Einstein
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