Battle of the Sexes | Charlestongrit.com | Bold. Smart. Local. Now. | Charleston, SC

Battle of the Sexes | Charlestongrit.com | Bold. Smart. Local. Now. | Charleston, SC

Some Things Are Gender Specific..Period

I toyed with the idea of writing this for a few days. A little voice in the back of my head nagged "You will never write in this town again" Obviously I didn't listen. Now, if that voice would have said, "You will never write for money in this town again, well..that's a whole new ballgame. Anyway, it's all in jest. It all started this past weekend. There are some things a woman feels the need to wake her husband up from a full sleep to tell him. Specifically, "You drank all of the milk for the coffee and then put the empty container back in frig. Or...."You left the seat up on the toilet." Then in fairness, there are likewise pressing questions that a hubby feels he needs to wake wifey up from a full deep sleep to ask. ex. "Do I have any tobacco? Is there any more wine? Do you know where my black pen is?" When I found the empty milk carton in frig, I decided to stay gender neutral. I took the high road for fear of later reference to ~It must be that time.~ Actually, I prefer to be in charge of when and how to blame my hormones. Using the malady mainly for sympathy or my desire for chocolate. Believe me, I am fully aware of ~that time~ Mostly, I have managed to get through without hurting anyone. Yet, there are some ~times~ when I feel the call of old, the old biblical reference to sending myself to the outskirts of town for three days. I've heard the cries of the women in the tents outside town. "Men don't know what it's like to go through this, or have babies." I've never been a sympathizer. I don't want my husband to screaming 3 octaves higher than me in labor, nor do I want him crying at Old Spice commercials. No worries though, creation itself leveled that playing field. Though the man doesn't have a cycle, bear a child or go through menopause..he PAYS for it much longer. Over the last decade man has now indeed acquired his own malady excuse if he so chooses to use it. Low T? HighT, Low T, HRT, PMS, all touted as newly discovered ailments. Men or women can choose their own acronymous ailment, each with a 30 day script saddled with warnings of symptoms similar to and worse than the condition. If you'll allow me this short sentence to go all ~King James on you.~ These conditions go way back. E.g, Jonah,(Low T). King David, (High T), Jezebel, (PMS or HRT), or both. Though the cures may vary, all are legit conditions. As for us, separate bathrooms cured the toilet seat dilemma. Chocolate and Merlot reign king as the Holistic ~keep mama happy~ elixirs. If all else fails and I feel the snippy need to "Tell hubby something he doesn't know about himself every thirty days" Ron White, per my hubby. I will then pack my bags and head to the tents at the edge of town for a spell. Wifey gets to the tents at edge of town and unpacks bags… “Awww shucks lookey here, I accidentally packed the remote control.“

Never Say Never | Charlestongrit.com | Bold. Smart. Local. Now. | Charleston, SC

Never Say Never | Charlestongrit.com | Bold. Smart. Local. Now. | Charleston, SC

Our Griswold Christmas Road Trips | Charlestongrit.com | Bold. Smart. Local. Now. | Charleston, SC

Our Griswold Christmas Road Trips | Charlestongrit.com | Bold. Smart. Local. Now. | Charleston, SC

Fra-gee-lay... That must be Italian | Charlestongrit.com | Bold. Smart. Local. Now. | Charleston, SC

Fra-gee-lay... That must be Italian | Charlestongrit.com | Bold. Smart. Local. Now. | Charleston, SC

Christmas Story, Charleston Stage

Charleston Stage Presents ~A Christmas Story~ I believe it was in September when I received the glossy card stock mailer from Charleston Stage. I scanned it quickly and then did an audible "Omg” Charleston Stage presents Christmas Story! I sat the card up by my computer and have watched the calendar days roll down since. Ok, it's my birthday and what do I want to do? Yup, Christmas Story! Not that it took convincing Don who could play Ralphie and his father simultaneously without a script. I am going to have to watch him to keep him from blurting out the lines. We anticipate couch night with the classic movie every year, but the play will be a first. I'm here to tell you they have a lot to live up to here. We carry the Christmas Story pandemonium a bit further and have adopted the tradition of eating Chinese on Christmas day as well. Julian Wiles, Cast and crew have surpassed my expectations of the this Christmas classic. in their very first presentation of Christmas Story and they knocked it out of the ball park. It may very well become another holiday tradition for my family. Becca Anderson as Ralphie's mother, Victor Clark as Ralphie's (old man) and Josh Harris as grown up Ralphie were phenomenal as were ALL of the actors from the Kid Stage Performance Troupe and Theatre Wings High School Apprentice Program. A special shout out to Joshua (Ralphie), Michael McCoy as (Flick) and Nikita Narodnitskiy as Scut Farkus. The stage sets were fantastic and magical, totally recreating the feel of several scenes in the original movie, if not better. I particularly liked the department store with Santa set. There are only 4 more performances. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Hurry and get tix! http://www.charlestonstage.com/home.html I'll leave you with a few of my fave Christmas Story quotes; Fudge! Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word! It's a Major Award! Mr. Parker reads a side of the box with the prize that he won Mr. Parker: Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian. Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! We were trapped. There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!

Over the river and through the woods~ Renae Brabham

Car serviced, gassed up, packed, Christmas presents tidily stacked in rear, Christmas bow on the front grill of car, hamster and aquarium fish overfed?
Well, that's the way the annual exodus to SC from NC for Christmas should start, but not for our gang. Most of the time we would pile into the car groggily after waiting for either Don or myself to finish a weird double shift at work. The overworked parent usually slept the whole way while the other drove. Five hours of bundled Christmas energy sat behind that driver.   Frequent kicks into the back of the seat or screeches of "She's touching me" made the driving parent envy the overworked parent. Touching wasn't hard to do when you have a Toyota Corolla and 2-4 kids in the back seat. Don was the sleeping parent on one particular trip and I was making good time. I remember thinking how jovial and spirited the other holiday drivers and passengers were this particular holiday season. As I weaved in and out of traffic they  smiled, grinned and laughed. I checked the rear view mirror to see if the kids were making faces at them while passing. The driver's and passengers seemed happier the further along we got. Then, I passed a lady who started beating the wheel and laughing hysterically. I glanced over at Don while checking my side mirror to change lanes and figured out why everyone was so entertained. Don slept, mouth agape....his face plastered to the window glass in drool. Geez..
The poor hamster and fish? We usually remembered about 100 miles down the road. The neatly wrapped presents in hatchback? Nope, never happened. We usually bought the Christmas presents at a truck stop off of I-77 when we stopped to get our boiled peanuts after crossing the SC state line. Toy Hess trucks, Pecan Logs and Budweiser Christmas mugs filled our Santa sack.
I always tried to save the license tag game for the last leg of the trip.  It usually ended minutes later with a argument. ex. "You already said North Hampshire!"
Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go, sounds nice, but our crew was all about "Grandma getting run over by a reindeer."
There were always so many people that we wanted to see but couldn't squeeze everyone in, we were destined to tick someone off with a no show. But we did try to alternate homes, this would be my brother's year. He had recently moved to a home we had not visited. I called him the night before we left and scribbled down the directions. Take a left on Main, right and third home on left...got it.  He told us before we left that he wouldn't be home, but come on in and he would see us when he got off work.
Whew, we were so ready to get out of that car. The kids were fighting over who was first to use the bathroom.  All four of them made it to the door at the same time. It was locked, my brother must have forgotten to leave the key. Don and I looked for a key in all of the obvious hiding places. Don found another way in, maybe not the right way, but nothing broke. Kids shoot off in all directions to find bathrooms. I plop on couch and Don goes straight to frig and gets a beer out. He plops on the couch with me, grabs the remote and flicks on the television . He is twisting the cap off of the beer. "Tim has got the place looking really nice" I said while  relaxing on the couch and looking about the room. Both of us noticed the framed pics on the entertainment center at the same time. Hmm...a balding policeman in uniform with a young boy.  Next pic. Policeman with family. Oh Fuuuuuudddge!  Only I used the F-dash-dash-dash word. Yes, the mother of all potty words. The kids come running. Go..go...go...get out!  We are herding everyone as we fly down the steps. That little Corolla peeled up some asphalt that day as we left. This was time before cell phones. I get to a pay phone and called my brother at work. He lives 3 houses further down. We parked the Corolla in the back of his place and anticipated a police cruiser pulling up the rest of the day to get us for B&E.
There always seemed to be a trip malady. We knew it was going to happen, just didn't know what it would be. Leaving the gas cap on the hood while driving off, heater quits working, car overheats, windshield wiper goes out. I was driving back on one trip when the windshield wiper motor went out in the pouring rain. We were still over 100 miles from home. Again, time before cell phones. I pulled the car over, got out and determined the motor was gone, the blade would return to it's down position every time I pushed it up. I got back into the car soaking wet and sat for a few minutes thinking about what to do. I pulled off my pantyhose, got out of the car and tied one leg to the top of the driver's side blade and threaded the pantyhose back through car window. I drove with one hand for the rest of the trip while yanking the blade up and letting it fall back so that I could see to get home.  
No, our memories may not be Hallmark card picturesque. But, they will always bring smiles.  The grill of our car was more likely to have a McDonald's cheese burger wrapper on it than a Christmas wreath or bow. We learned a lot from those road trips though. Hamsters are hardier without food than guppies. And those Budweiser mugs we bought at the truck stops are actually worth something today.